yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
