Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
