You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Congratulations! We have a period
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