Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
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I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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