I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
