No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
