bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
