Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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