Moan for me like Helen Keller
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
