Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
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I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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