In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
