I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
