at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
