Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
birth control should be required to get into college
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
