It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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