so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
