well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
