I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
