i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
