Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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