Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
