I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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