Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
