I love black thongs
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
