Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
