Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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