Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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