i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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