at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
