Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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