you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My ass is underappreciated
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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