her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In other news, I just burned my penis
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
