totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
porn star boner night. come get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize