Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
