i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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