I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
