You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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