screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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