All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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