You really coming over, don't trick.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
