I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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