i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
