Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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