I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
