The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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