are you still at the devil's house?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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