there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
