I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
