its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
