You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's always time for handjobs
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Im part way to drunk.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
