the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Please, let me fuck your mom
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
