I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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