Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
