Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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