3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
