Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
