Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize
