oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
