I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
