I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
