my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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