I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
