my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
