I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
