If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
