Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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