What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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