brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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