I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Please, let me fuck your mom
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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