Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
