i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
