our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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