I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
