So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
