i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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