Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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