So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
