sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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