i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
