If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
