What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
