So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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