she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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