hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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