dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
