Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
