hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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