I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
