Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
