During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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